Wedding Etiquette Dilemma
As soon as the warm weather is upon us, I start getting questions from couples who are planning their spring and summer weddings. I even receive inquiries from expected guests needing guidance with appropriate gifting practices and attire. Unfortunately, the pandemic has added an extra layer of uncertainty for everyone to navigate, and continued uncertainty calls for the standard practice to be known in order to thoughtfully ensure everyone is well catered for. Although the finer details of some procedures may change with emerging trends, the guiding principles tend to stay the same. Here are a few sample questions I have received.
Question #1
“I got married during the lockdown and had only our immediate families with us. We sent out wedding invitations to all we would have liked to have celebrated with us during that time, notifying them of our plans. All our invited guests were gracious with gifts picked from our registry regardless of their inability to attend. We are now in a position to celebrate with more of our family and friends and are sending out another set of invitations; how do we make sure our guests realize that they do not need to get us more gifts?”
Question #2
“I’m getting married this summer for the second time around. I own my house and am established; I lack for nothing. I am concerned that my guests might feel obligated to gift me stuff I don’t need for the wedding. How do I communicate this with them?”
Answer:
Consider including a “no gifts please” note in the invitation. Usually, when guests are given precise instructions on their invites, they tend to follow them. My daughter recently attended a couple’s wedding and stated they would only be “accepting cash gifts” via online payment platforms. The couple had a destination wedding, and it would have been impossible for them to carry gifts back home.
Question #3
“What are your thoughts on a bride not wanting to invite children of a family to her wedding? Is it acceptable not to invite little children?”
Answer:
This complicated issue may create pushback, especially from family members. It is crucial to put ourselves in the potential guests’ shoes when deciding how to structure the wedding invitations. Children who are a part of the family might have had the privilege of meeting their relative’s significant other during their dating season and would undoubtedly anticipate witnessing the wedding celebrations. Finding out that they have been excluded from the invitations might bruise their feelings.
It is imperative to have open and honest communication with family members that may cure any ill feelings. Creating a separate space for younger children to play during the ceremony might be another way to go about it. However, the host’s rules apply no matter the outcome.
Question #4
“I have been invited to a close friend’s wedding that I will obviously be attending. Do I need to formally RSVP to the invite?”
Question #5
“My cousin invited me to her wedding, and I won’t make it as I am out of town that weekend. What is the best way to let her know in my response?”
Answer:
As soon as you receive your invite, be mindful to RSVP as directed. The couple might have a wedding planner or a planning system that relies on a formal RSVP list to succeed. You also need to pay attention to the invitation as you might be invited only to the ceremony and not the luncheon or dinner, or vice versa. Sending an RSVP signals that you are aware of this and helps you remember what to attend.
If you will not be attending a ceremony, the standard protocol is to state the reason as “being out of town” if that is your reason or “conflicting arrangements”.
A few extra factors to be mindful of are dress codes and photograph protocols.
If the couple has included a colour scheme or dress code in the invitation, guests must dress appropriately and respect their request. It can be quite uncomfortable to be the only person dressed in olive green to a wedding requesting different shades of pink from each guest or being the only person dressed casually for a black-tie celebration.
If allowed to take personal photos, do not post them on social media without the couple’s approval. The etiquette is to wait until the couple posts photos themselves, then post pictures that maintain their standard.
In all situations, it is essential to be a gracious wedding guest. Couples invite us to their weddings because they consider us special people they would like to celebrate with. Let us do our best to maintain their trust by respecting their wishes and contributing to positive memories to look back on in the future.
