Another Instalment of Questions to Avoid Asking

The art of conversation is always evolving. Subjects that may have been inappropriate to discuss a few decades ago may be excellent today. However, there are other topics that we have since learnt to handle with more sensitivity as well. Here is a list of some of the questions that we might need to reconsider delving into whenever they cross our minds.

Why didn’t you invite me to your party/wedding?

This is an awkward question that is best avoided at all times, especially when there are still some social gathering restrictions in place. As with most celebrations, not everyone gets invited, making the answer to this question one of those that might leave us regretting ever asking.

Don’t order that! Aren’t you aware of how bad it is for you?

A friend once ordered a ham sandwich, and the person across the counter said, “You don’t really want to eat that; it’s not good for you.” None of us knows why he felt that way about a ham sandwich. Was it because of his religious beliefs or personal preferences? We all get to choose what we decide to put into our bodies and hope that those around us will show some respect.

Are you going to eat all that?

What and how much someone can eat is all up to them, and we need not involve ourselves in their portion sizes. This could be their first meal of the day, or they might be blessed with a healthy appetite and amazing metabolism.

How come your kid is not yet talking/walking or potty trained?

This is a rather insensitive question as children develop at different stages even within the same family. Parents do their best to help their children reach developmental milestones in the healthiest way possible. There could also be health complications at play here, and parents might prefer not to be constantly reminded of them.

Did you have cosmetic surgery?

Usually, people don’t put up a billboard to announce that they had work done because most prefer keeping this kind of information as close to their chest as best they can. By asking this question, we might come across as implying something about their looks. A positive compliment where applicable is appropriate without going into details.

Will you be using your senior’s discount today?

This is a subjective matter that, more often than not, may be found to be offensive. A family member of mine once went grocery shopping and had the cashier proudly announce to them that they had included the senior discount on their purchase. As the items were for an elderly parent, this family member first assumed that the cashier knew who the purchase was for. When it finally dawned on them that the assumption was, in fact, that they were at the discount age, this family member was not amused. Some time has passed since this incident, yet it is still discussed with just as much passion as when it first occurred.

Our curiosity could lead us to ask questions that others might find hurtful or offensive. When in doubt of how appropriate our question is, it is best to avoid it altogether. As relationships grow deeper and certain comfort levels are reached, friends are more open to sharing more of their lives with us. Let us wait for those moments to organically present themselves.