VISITING SOMEONE?: READ THE ROOM

I love visits with family, friends and loved ones. Time spent over a meal, a cup of tea, or a snack is integral to deepening our relationships, with some of our best memories made in the comfort of our respective homes during these visits. Because I enjoy a good visit, I am also highly aware of my loved one’s preferences when I visit them in their homes. I try to be mindful of when to visit, how long to stay, and what house rules to follow. 

Many ideas that we have about visiting with others come from our upbringing. The norms of our childhood homes can heavily shape our expectations during visits. For example, my mother had an open-door policy. Everyone who came through our gates was well taken care of regardless of the length of their visit. They were guaranteed a plate of food at mealtime, a cup of tea at teatime, and a bed at bedtime.

Although I grew up in that environment, I know this does not work for everyone. Visiting norms may differ depending on shared relationships. There are those within our circles who don’t mind us showing up at their doorstep unannounced. Others might prefer a reasonable amount of notice,  with some hosts’ flexibility depending on the events of each day. 

So how can we meet expectations during home visits? Let us unpack a few scenarios. 

New mothers

For mothers with newborn babies, sleep suddenly becomes a valued commodity. This mother might occasionally steal a few moments of shut-eye when her baby goes down for a nap during the day. Spontaneously dropping off at her house might be the last thing she needs, unless you’re coming by to offer a helping hand or deliver a meal. If this is the case, don’t expect her to actively entertain you. Consider not wearing out your welcome either and excuse yourself from the visit promptly. 

Clean homes

We all know at least one person within our circles who takes pride in the state of their home and how they present it to everyone else. For them, a clean house is synonymous with relaxation. If you happen to stop by and their home is not up to par, they won’t be able to relax and enjoy your company as all they will be thinking about is the vacuuming, washing of floors and dusting that needs to be done. When visiting this group, give them ample notice of your intentions instead of a sudden drop in. This will give them time to arrange their home and feel ready to afford you a warm welcome when you arrive. 

Body language

Pay attention to your host’s body language from your first interaction with them. When we knock at someone’s door their body language and expression as they let us in should indicate how long our stay will be, and the kind of visit we will have. This reaction usually isn’t personal, as they may have more on their minds than they let on. Having an awareness of the situation, and self-awareness of our presence in one’s home can help us be considerate guests.

Overall being able to read the rooms helps us assess social situations and adjust our conduct to suit the home visit better. So next time you visit a home, pay attention to your host, read the room and ensure your behaviour aligns with their expectations of you. 

Happy visiting!